Listening With Empathy

Overview

This is lesson 4 of 10 in Healthy Relationships and Hauora. Students build on prior learning about active listening by noticing possible feelings, needs and perspectives without making assumptions, agreeing automatically or trying to solve every problem. The lesson uses fictional situations only; no student is required to disclose personal feelings or experiences.

Learning intentions

• WALT listen for feelings, needs and perspectives without assuming.
• WALT respond with empathy and validation.
• WALT ask respectful questions and offer an appropriate kind of support.
• WALT recognise when a problem is too big to manage alone and seek help from a trusted adult.

Success criteria

• I can name or represent a possible feeling without claiming I know exactly how someone feels.
• I can use a validating response such as, “That sounds really difficult.”
• I can ask, “Would you like listening, ideas, or help?”
• I can identify when safety concerns mean I need to involve a trusted adult.

Curriculum links

• Health Education — Relationships: communication skills, empathy and understanding personal relationships and boundaries.
• Health Education — Relationships: consent, online safety, exclusion, bullying, stereotypes and responding safely.
• Health Education — Relationships: respectful interactions, inclusion and emotional safety.
• Year 4 Relationships teaching sequence: observing emotion and body-language cues, active listening and responding with empathy. These skills are revisited here at an age-appropriate level.

Lesson structure (60 minutes)

1. 0–7 min · Private check-in. Open with the visual check-in and learning intention and offer students private, non-verbal choices such as colour, symbol or number. Students indicate how ready they feel using a card, fingers, device or no response; remind them they never need to explain a feeling.

2. 7–15 min · Recap and teach. Display the active listening recap and response comparison. Teacher briefly revisits facing or orienting towards a speaker in a comfortable way, listening, pausing and checking understanding, while explaining that communication may look different for neurodivergent people and across cultures. Students identify which behaviours show attention for them, including looking away, movement, AAC, drawing or quiet listening.

3. 15–25 min · Model validation. Teacher models three responses to a fictional statement: “I hear you”, “I agree” and “I can fix it”. Discuss how each differs, then teach the frame: “That sounds … Would you like listening, ideas, or help?” Use the listening response mat for students to select or complete a feeling, validating phrase and respectful question. Students practise with a partner or privately rehearse, using speech, writing, symbols or a communication device.

4. 25–30 min · Regulation break. Show the movement and regulation choices. Students choose a brief option: stretch, walk, wall push, breathing, sensory tool, quiet seat or doodling. Teacher checks that students return ready, rather than requiring eye contact or stillness.

5. 30–47 min · Match and practise. In groups of three or pairs, students use the fictional situation practice page to match each situation with a possible feeling, need and helpful response. They then choose one format: role-play, comic strip, audio recording or sequencing response cards. Scenarios include friendship conflict, an upsetting online message, being left out, a family worry and a problem that requires adult help. Students use tentative language: “They might feel …” or “One possible perspective is …”. No one has to perform publicly.

6. 47–55 min · Share and assess. Present two new fictional scenarios on the scenario discussion and help-seeking prompts. Each student selects a response and explains or demonstrates why: validate, ask what support is wanted, offer an idea, or involve a trusted adult. Teacher notes respectful language, avoidance of assumptions, listening choices and help-seeking.

7. 55–60 min · Exit reflection. Students complete the final prompt on the two-scenario exit reflection: choose a response for two scenarios and show why it fits. Close with the reminder that support may come from different trusted adults, whānau members, school staff or communication systems.

Resources

• the complete listening and empathy slide deck
• the listening response mat and practice page
• Feeling wheel using plain words, icons and photographs
• Fictional situation cards
• Response mats and sequencing cards
• Comic-strip template or audio-recording device
• Sensory tools and regulation options
• Pens, pencils and highlighters
• School safeguarding and support procedures

Assessment

• During modelling and practice, listen for students distinguishing validation from agreement, reassurance or fixing.
• Record whether students can select a possible feeling, use tentative language, ask what support is wanted and recognise when adult help is needed.
• Check the exit reflection for two appropriate responses and a brief explanation or demonstration. Privately follow up any concerning statement according to safeguarding policy.

Differentiation

• Offer emotion photographs/icons, plain-language feeling choices, sentence starters and repeated modelling: “That sounds … Would you like …?”
• Permit speech, writing, drawing, gesture, AAC, audio or card sequencing. Do not require eye contact, facial expression, turn-taking in one fixed way or explanation of a feeling.
• Provide a predictable visual sequence, one scenario at a time, reduced choices, partner or adult co-regulation, movement breaks and extra processing time. Use dyslexia-friendly fonts, uncluttered pages, read-aloud instructions and scribing where needed.
• Explicitly acknowledge that emotion can be expressed differently because of neurodivergence, culture, language and personal preference. Students may pass or use a fictional character instead of responding personally.
• For extension, students analyse an ambiguous scenario, identify how cultural context may affect interpretation, compare two possible perspectives and explain when confidentiality must be broken because someone may be unsafe.

Whānau communication

Share the response frame, “That sounds … Would you like listening, ideas, or help?”, for optional use at home. Explain that students may have different trusted adults, whānau relationships or communication systems, and that safety concerns must be shared with an appropriate adult.