Assertive Needs

Overview

This is lesson 2 of 4 in “Communication for Healthy Relationships”. Students build on prior learning by focusing on specific ways to express needs clearly and respectfully using assertive language, especially during disagreement.

Learning intentions

• WALT express needs using clear, respectful assertive language.
• WALT create and use “I” statements to reduce blame and increase understanding.
• WALT practise pause/rehearse strategies to communicate more effectively in tense moments.
• WALT explain why clarity and boundaries matter during conflict.

Success criteria

• I can write an “I” statement that includes my feeling and my need.
• I can deliver my “I” statement using a calm voice and clear words.
• I can respond respectfully when my partner shows disagreement.
• I can describe why clarity helps keep relationships safe and positive during conflict.

Curriculum links

• Te Mātaiaho Health and PE (Health Education / Relationships - Self and others): practising assertive language and boundary setting techniques in scenarios; using strategies such as pausing, rehearsing key phrases, and seeking support in high-pressure situations.
• Te Mātaiaho Health and PE (Health Education / (Practices) Communication and consent within relationships): recognising that communication and clear boundaries support safe, positive experiences within relationships.
• Te Mātaiaho Health and PE (Health Education / Relationships (Self and others)): understanding that assertive communication is about expressing thoughts and boundaries with respect, including when emotions run high.

Lesson structure (45 minutes)

1. 0–5 min · Starter: clarity check. Teacher writes a conflict sentence stem on the board (e.g., “You never…”), and asks students to think of what might be changed to make it clearer and more respectful. Students share 1–2 ideas with a partner.

2. 5–12 min · Mini-lesson: “I” statements. Teacher models a short structure and speaks through an example:

• “I feel ___ when ___.”
• “I need ___.”
• “Please/Can we ___?” Students annotate the example on a worksheet or in notebooks, highlighting each part.

3. 12–20 min · Guided practice: craft your line. Teacher provides 3–4 realistic Year 8 scenario cards (e.g., partner keeps interrupting, group chat ignores your idea, someone borrows without asking, loud teasing during class). Students choose one scenario and write 1 strong “I” statement plus a clear request or boundary. Teacher circulates for quick checks and prompts (e.g., “Where is your need?” “Is it blame-free?”).

4. 20–33 min · Pair rehearsals: assertive delivery. Teacher explains roles and routines: Speaker uses their “I” statement; Listener responds using one sentence of respect (e.g., “Thanks for telling me”) and then can disagree politely using the same structure if needed. Students rotate partners after 1–2 minutes of rehearsal, repeating with improved delivery (using a quick pause before speaking, then delivering the rehearsed line).

5. 33–40 min · Whole-class discussion: why clarity matters. Teacher facilitates a discussion with prompts:

• How does “I” language change the tone of conflict?
• What happens when people assume intentions instead of stating needs?
• Where do boundaries show up in your “I” statement (the request/next step)? Students contribute using “One reason is…” and refer to their own rehearsal.

6. 40–45 min · Exit ticket: choose and explain. Teacher asks students to complete a short exit ticket:

• Write your “I” statement (final version).
• In 1–2 sentences: What strategy helped you speak clearly (pause, rehearsing, supportive tone, or asking for help)?

Resources

• Scenario card set (teacher-prepared, age-appropriate)
• “I statement” template worksheet (or notebook prompt)
• Partner role cards (Speaker/Listener) with sentence starter for listeners
• Timer for rehearsals
• Teacher checklist for quick formative assessment
• Pens/pencils for drafting and revising

Assessment

• Teacher observation during guided drafting: checks for presence of feeling + situation + need/request, and respectful wording.
• Partner feedback: students comment on clarity (Was the need stated? Was blame avoided?).
• Exit ticket: determines whether students can produce an assertive “I” statement and justify clarity/conflict benefits.

Differentiation

• Support: provide sentence starters and word banks (e.g., “I feel…”, “I need…”, “Can we…”, “Please stop…”) and a model answer for reference.
• Support for confidence: allow students to read their statement during rehearsal first, then aim to memorise key phrases for the second round.
• Extension: students add a second “I” statement that includes a boundary if the request is ignored (e.g., “If it keeps happening, I will…”).
• EAL/SEN: offer visual prompts, chunk the structure into boxes, and allow rehearsal time before speaking; encourage listening responses using fixed frames.

Formatted hyperlinks (optional)

• Use no hyperlinks in this lesson.