Narrative Editing Workshop
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Narrative Editing Workshop
Read Layla’s draft
The parcel arrived at the post office just before closing. Layla saw it beside the counter, and it had no address. The parcel was small and it was wrapped in brown paper and it had a silver star on it. “Someone must have forgotten to write the address,” said Zach. Layla picked it up. It rattled loudly. She put it down quickly. Mason-Mae, the postal worker, looked at the parcel. She looked worried. “We should check the delivery log before opening it,” she said. Layla searched through the log, but the pages were out of order. Then a faint scratching sound came from inside the parcel. Layla froze. Zach moved closer. Mason-Mae reached for the phone to call the sender. The scratching stopped. Layla heard a tiny sneeze. They opened the wrapping carefully. A small, fluffy toy bird popped out. A note said, “For the new window display—please keep it safe!” Layla laughed because she had been expecting something strange. The parcel had caused a lot of excitement.
Spot the editing choices
Use evidence from the draft in each response.
- The parcel was small. It was brown.
- Small and wrapped in brown paper, the parcel bore a silver star.
- The parcel was a parcel with a star and paper.
- The small parcel was small, brown and had a star.
- Check that events happen in a logical order.
- Make every sentence exactly the same length.
- Check that pronouns clearly refer to the right characters or objects.
- Replace every verb with an adjective.
- a comma
- a question mark
- an exclamation mark
- no punctuation
Revise for flow and suspense
Try to keep the story’s meaning while making your edits precise.
- They opened the parcel and saw a toy bird.
- The parcel was wrapped in brown paper.
- A faint scratching came from inside. Layla held her breath.
- The post office closed at five o’clock.
3 printable pages
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
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